Multi-tasking in the time of COVID

It’s not a big surprise I’m sure that women, even when they are the primary wage earners in the family, are assuming most of the household chores. Have you read the 2019 article in The Atlantic titled, “Even Breadwinning Wives Don’t Get Equality at Home?” The piece explains how, when we think about gender equality, we often look to the workplace. However, we neglect to see the full picture: how hard-working women go home to take on the brunt of housework.

Married American mothers, according to the article, spend almost twice as much time on housework and child care than do married fathers. Although American mothers—including those with young children—are far more likely to be working now than in past decades, they spend more time on child care today than did moms in the 1960s.

So big deal. We all know that and we still do it. We cope, adapt, tolerate. And more and more working Dads are stepping up to the plate, although often their definition of “life balance” usually includes more time home with the kids but not so much with the dishes.

This is not male-bashing, I promise. I’ve had the privilege to work alongside women executives, entrepreneurs, CEOs and nonprofit workers, and I see this reality play out often. Most progressive men know it, and they are appropriately playing their part as advocates and fathers, partners and husbands. But on the whole we all know that it’s still the women who pull double duty, because we’re judged and self-judge on how good we are at ALL of it, at once, unlike our male counterparts and partners, who haven’t been subject to the same societal scorn over time.

Now, fast forward one year after The Atlantic article and let’s add a whole new dimension to the mix: global pandemic. Parents of all sexes, at least those still lucky enough to have a job, are now smacked in the face with an entirely new reality: working and remote-schooling kids, on top of all the usual household chaos. I’m curious to see what the future research on increased household labor due to COV-19 will reveal, and wonder if it will still be mostly mothers who both oversee the school instruction and the uptick in household duties as a result of more time spent at home. It would be pretty to think not.

The thing I find fascinating is how many people jumped on the “shelter in place is just another excuse for domestic perfectionism” bandwagon. Not long ago, I tweeted: “Please stop talking about how much extra time I have. Those of us working, remote or otherwise, with every other household member at home for one reason or another means “mental load” and multi-tasking has increased 100 fold. It ain’t all clean closets & craft projects, friends.”

There’s no easy solution for any of us, male or female, who find ourselves in this situation. However, I do believe the first step is awareness. If you overburdened by work and home duties, I encourage you to not just put your head down and work even harder. Instead, tell someone — your supervisor, partner, your team or even a friend. It is important that we ask for help.

To your kids’ teacher, PTA leader, or other: “Those are great ideas for extra activities but I’m still working full time and am OK for our family to just do only what’s required during this difficult time.”

To your spouse (if also working from home): “I have a busy morning. Could you take over supervising the kids’ schoolwork and make yourself available to answer questions?

To your boss: “Under the circumstances, I’d like to start an hour earlier and log off earlier to take on some of the extra tasks around the house.”

To your team: “I’d prefer that we avoid meetings around lunch so I can use that time to check in with my kids and their coursework.” or “I find that I’m working so much at my desk that I’m not taking any breaks during the day.”

To your friend: “Are you available to chat? I’m feeling overwhelmed, are you?”

Sounds simple, but how often are we actually that intentional? As this continues, setting boundaries will be all the more important to make sure we come out the other side stronger.

What boundaries have you set in place that has helped you achieve more balance, especially lately? Please share your ideas in the comments below.